Disney Prince Therapy
by DisneyDorks
Summary: Neglected, misrepresented, and facing troubles and changes at home, the Disney Princes attend a series of group therapy sessions. Will they form bonds of friendship that will last a life time, or try to kill each other?
1. The First Session

Sunny Burbank, California: where the sun always shine and the birds always sing… Which really has nothing to do with our story, but it's always nice to mention when you set the scene in California. The time is precisely 9:00 A.M. and we find ourselves in an upper room of the Team Disney animation building. A band of chairs form a circle in the center of the room, as the Disney royal men all sit in on their first therapy session, awkwardly gazing at one another. Two years of married life has changed each one of them a bit.

Snow's Prince, not giving one wit about his personal grooming, wears a pair of plain unkempt sweatpants to match his shaggy tangled hair. He sports a baggy t-shirt with the logo "Someone's In The Kitchen With Snow." Charming's outfit in comparison is far more grand. A sparkling golden sash is draped across his chest and a monocle dangles from his crème colored military pocket. Likewise, Milo is clothed in his full royal Atlantean outfit of deep sea blue.

Complimenting, Adam is dressed in his full Baroque suit, his long mane of auburn hair tied into a braid over his shoulder. Eric has grown a bit more rugged from travels on the high seas, sporting a bit of a five o'clock shadow, and a few medals of decoration pinned to his chest. One of his sleeves is rolled up to reveal a tattoo of Ariel as a mermaid inscribed, "All my fantasies are under the sea." In contrast to all the other princes, Phillip has packed on the pounds and grown out chunkier, with his old hunting outfit very snug around his gut. He sports a rather ample and large paunch, his fat belly starting to peek out from under his tunic.

At one end of the circle sits a short blonde haired psychiatrist, tapping the pencil against her clipboard as she reviews her notes. She peers at the group over the top of her small rectangular glasses.

After careful reading, the therapist finally clears her throat and speaks. "Well now, perhaps we should all begin. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Dr. Mary Blairowitz, and for our next half hour, I would like to listen to all of your problems and see why exactly each of you has come here."

"I don't need to be here!" Prince whines. "Can I please just go?"

"Now, Mr Prince, please just sit back and remain quiet until it's your turn to speak. Each of us will have a chance in this session to vent our problems. Now, it appears that all of us are present. All except for Aladdin; the executives are trying to bail him out after his little shoplifting spree at Party City last week." Dr. Blairowitz sifts through her papers pensively. "Now, after evaluating the issues listed in your folders, I think perhaps we should start with Prince Charming. Mr Charming, it says here that you feel neglected and unappreciated. Can you tell us why that is?"

Charming sighs in exasperation, placing his elbows on his thighs. "Well, it just seems like nobody ever pays any attention to me. It's like I'm Mr Faceless Doormat. How come I don't get any merchandise with Cindy? Where am I on the lunch boxes? Why don't they have plushies of me? Why am I so unpopular? They say I'm cardboard, but hell, I had a huge role in Cinderella 3! Didn't anybody watch that? I saved Cindy! Don't I get hero status like Phillip or Eric here? But nooo, apparently nobody cares."

"Maybe it's because you look like a woman in drag and wear horse brushes on your shoulders!"

"Mr. Prince!" Dr. Blairowitz chides and casts a disapproving glare in his direction. "I told you to remain quiet until your turn! Continue, please, Mr. Charming."

The brunette prince scowls in the therapist's direction. "And that's another thing! Why does everyone call me just 'Prince Charming?' I have a name already! It's..."

DING!

The timer chimes loudly, interrupting the prince's rant.

"I'm sorry, Mr Charming, but your time is up for now," Blairowitz interrupts in a bored tone. She turns her direction to the left. "Now then, Eric I would like for you to tell me about why you're here."

Eric raises an eyebrow in bewilderment. "I don't know! Ariel just sent me!"

Dr. Blairowitz thumbs through her paper and notes. "It says here that she mentioned she felt you had quite the *ahem* 'roving eye.'"

"What? That's a load of bull! I care for Ariel!"

The therapist juts ignores him and continues to examine the notes. "Now I was just reading how you two met, and noticed something interesting here. It says that you actually met Ariel a few days before you knew she was the one with the special voice, yet you didn't even seem to really care for her. In fact, you didn't even save her until after you found out she had the magic voice. Could it be that you really don't care for her, but are just feeding this infatuation you had with this mysterious girl? And after you married her, the mystery had gone and you lost interest?"

Eric immediately stands up and points an accusing finger at the doctor. "What? That's not true! What crackpot university did you get your degree from? I told you already I care for her!"

"Then why does your wife go on to list all these names you had 'close relations' with after you had been married..."

"Maybe you should question about his fetish, doctor," Prince grins smarmily while crossing his arms against his chest.

Eric squints in Prince's direction, focusing on him with a deathlike stare. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, don't deny it, Eric. Everyone knows you have a little 'thing for fish.'"

"What are you saying?"

"You're a freakin' fish f***er!"

"I am not!"

" Just as I thought, he denies it!"

"Mr. Prince, please!" Dr. Blairowitz gasps.

"Just look at his tattoo!" Prince jabs Eric right in the sailor's arm. "What kind of sick pervert would say his fantasies only occur under the water?"

"At least I'm not the pedophile!" Eric shoves Prince back into his chair. "I'm not the one who married a 14 year old girl!"

"Hey, Snow isn't 14! She's 16 just like Ariel!" Prince retorts.

Eric chuckles and rolls eyes up skyward. "Sure. Every 16 year old like her hasn't hit puberty and has a flat chest."

"Um, guys?" Milo clears his throat loudly to help maintain peace. "Can we all just calm down now? There's no need to..."

"Shut up, twiggy!" Prince shouts back.

"And let's not forget his case of necrophilia, doc!" Eric gloats, finally having the upper hand.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Prince whips his head back around in disbelief.

"C'mon, you can't deny it! You kissed Snow without even knowing she was still alive! I bet if the dwarfs weren't there, you would have..."

"That's not true, fish lover!"

"Actually," Milo quietly interrupts, "according to the definition of necrophilia, it is..."

"Shut your pie hole, geek boy!" Prince bellows, his round cheeks growing redder by the second. "Why not sit in your corner and read some more until your brain explodes!"

"Hey! You're the one who won't shut up, Prince!" Phillip interjects. "If you would just keep quiet for a minute and listen to everybody else..."

"Oh, just stifle already, Phil! Mr. Goody Two Shoes!" Prince gets up into Phillip's face. "Sometimes I wish Maleficent had chewed you up for dinner!" Prince sneers down and mockingly pokes the portly hunter's tubby gut. "There would have even been plenty of leftovers now!"

Milo eyes Phillip's rounded belly and frame, calculating figures in his head. "Actually, according to the gastronomical intake of the average dragon, there would be plenty of leftovers!"

"Oh, shut up!" Phillip snaps back.

Prince laughs mockingly. "I guess Mally just doesn't like her meat extra fatty!"

"Mr. Prince!" Dr. Blairowitz reprimands. "Behave yourself this moment and take a seat!"

"You're telling me to be quiet? He's the one who interrupted me! He even talks to his horse while he's riding through the woods! How insecure is that?"

"Mr. Prince! For the last time, please remain silent until it's your turn to speak!"

Prince narrows his eyes at the doctor, silently cursing every explicative he can muster in his head. He crosses back amongst the group and takes his seat once again. An awkward silence now rings through the room, with everyone else glancing at each other nervously.

"Now Mr. Thatch," Dr. Blairowitz shatters the ice, "I know you're often times forgotten. I had to make several calls, send e-mails out to twenty people, search files, and finally just buy a copy of your movie and show it to executives as proof that you exist."

Milo pouts and gazes downward. "I'm not very well liked…"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Thatch. Is that why you're here today, because you feel neglected?"

Milo nods quietly, with his pupils getting huge and watery.

Eric groans condescendingly. "Oh, not the puppy dog eyes!"

"Eric, please!" Dr. Blairowitz whispers in a harsh manner. "Let Mr. Thatch speak!"

Milo nods graciously. "Thank you. Well, you see, it's not so much the lack of toys or unbridled hate. I don't really care much about popularity at all. After all, I wasn't exactly the most popular guy in school…"

Prince makes an audibly loud gasp, "NAAAAAAW!"

Milo shoots him a stern glare before continuing. "I don't know why though. I mean, I was the captain of the chess club, the debate team, the Latin league..."

Dr. Blairowitz clears his throat. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Thatch, but we are on a strict schedule."

"Oh, sorry," the bespectacled royal tugs on his collar sheepishly. "I know the scrawny guy with the big glasses isn't going to sell a ton of action figures. But I just feel really bad for Kida. She rightfully belongs in the Princess group! Jiminy Christmas, she's even one of the few who were actually born into royalty! I suppose we should be lucky though. At least we're not locked up in the basement like Eilonwy, shouting 'What did I do wrong? Can't I come out now?'"

"Wait a minute..." Charming interrupts in a haughty tone. "Are you saying that my Cindy is less important because she was a commoner?"

"You tell him, she-man!" Prince applauds.

"Belle wasn't royalty, but she acts like it..." Adam mutters dejectedly under his breath.

Milo waves his hands up in the air excitedly. "No! No, I didn't mean that! I just thought it was unfair!"

"Gentlemen!" Dr. Blairowitz exasperatedly interrupts again. "May we please get back to our conversation?"

"I would like to, if Prince could just shut his trap for one minute!"

"You're the one who won't shut it, Lost Incontinent!" Prince mockingly retorts. "Boo hoo, nobody cares about me! I think I'll just cry and whine to get some more attention! Whaaa, why doesn't anybody like me? I look like a stick figure and I'm all pointy!"

"Bite me, Watercolor!" the bookish prince snaps back.

"Gentlemen, please!" Dr. Blairowitz screams at the top of her lungs. She throws her pencil down to the floor in annoyance. "We are on a very tight schedule. May we all calm down and just press on with our session?"

Prince and Milo both sit back down, still giving each other fierce scowls. Everybody remains silent and exchange uncomfortable looks once again.

"Now then…" Blairowitz regains her composure, "let us move off of this topic and turn to you Adam. It says here, that lately you've been experiencing problems recently after your marriage. Would you care to tell us about them?"

Adam nervously twiddles his thumbs as he looks at the therapist. "Well, you see lately..."

"Who the hell are you?" Prince furrows his brow in disgusted confusion.

"Mr. Prince!" Dr. Blairowitz screams in frustration, this time hurling her clipboard to the floor.

"What? I'm just asking who this guy is! He isn't a Disney prince."

Eric cocks his eyebrow, carefully examining Adam pensively. "I've never heard of a guy named Adam in our group either."

"Well, Milo, it looks like there is someone more forgettable than you!"

"Hey, I belong here!" the auburn haired prince shouts.

Dead silence fills the room as everyone stares at him in confusion.

"It's me, the Beast!"

Prince squints his eyes in Adam's direction, giving a thorough look up and down at him. "You're not the Beast. The Beast is all hairy and a giant puffball. You're...you're just some chunky guy with girly hair. Hell, you've got a thicker head of hair than my wife! You even make Aurora look like Kojak!"

"Mr. Prince, you are really trying my patience!" Dr. Blairowitz gives him the evil eye once again. "Remain silent and wait your turn!" Regaining her composure, she curls back one of her loose bangs and turns to the former beast prince. "Please continue, Adam."

Adam stoops over in his chair, and twiddles his thumbs as he looks around at the others. "Well, ever since Belle and I've gotten married, I feel like she's always been a little disappointed in me. She keeps complaining that she misses when I was cuddly and furry, and that now I remind her of some guy named Fabio. And any more she seems to be really controlling of the entire household and myself. She always bossing me around like I'm some kind of pet dog!" He points out a commanding finger, mock imitating Belle. "'Do the chores! Get this for me! Don't talk when your mouth is full! Use your fork, not your hands! Don't slouch when you walk! You should be breaking out of your animal habits by now!'"

"Ha-ha, he's been pwned!" Prince scoffs.

"Mr. Prince, silence!"

"C'mon doc, can't I have a sense of humor? Beast boy is whipped like pastry cream!" Prince grins with malicious glee, making a whipping motion with his hands.

Adam glares down at the heckling monarch. "It is not Beast! My name is Adam!"

" Fine, Beast Prince..."

"IT'S ADAM, YOU JERK!" the former fuzz ball leaps from his chair with great animal-like agility, pouncing down in front of Prince's chair. Clutching his hands into white fists, Adam roars his face directly into the moronic heckler. "A-D-A-M!"

Prince lurches back in his chair, shielding his face with his hands from the white froth spitting from Adam's mouth. "Jeeze, calm down, Floofy! That's what got you turned into Baboon Face the first time!"

The luxurious lock haired prince stares down at the grinning heckler. "Keep pushing me, and I'll grow some claws to rip that smile off your smarmy little face!"

Prince's smile merely grows wider with mischief. "At least I'm not the one who once looked like he belonged with the gorillas at the zoo. By the way, stopped by to see the King Kong exhibit at Universal the other day…your dad says hi."

"THAT DOES IT!" Adam grabs Prince by the shoulders, digging his fingers in.

"Adam, please!" Dr. Blairowitz calls out in alarm. "I understand here that Mr. Prince is quite disruptive and disgustingly rude, but there's no need for that sort of loud, violent behavior."

"I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE HERE ANYWAY!" Adam continues to scream at the top of his lungs like a spoiled child. He turns venomously over to the therapist, ripping off his blue jacket. He pulls out the bow in his hair and lets his braid untangle into a mess of wavy, wild hair. "THIS WAS ALL BELLE AND HER IDEA! MAKING ME DRESS UP LIKE SOME FOPPISH DANDY! SAYING I STILL HAVE ANGER ISSUES AND THAT I'M UNREFINED! MAYBE IF SHE WOULD JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO MY OPINION FOR A CHANGE!"

"Adam, please!" Dr. Blairowitz thunders back over the top of the prince's rampage. "It sounds like you still have some communication issues you need to deal with. Perhaps some meditation or Tai Chi will be the key to sooth your anger management issues with your wife."

Adam's red face washes to tan once more, as he looks down sheepishly over the spectacle he just made. He rubs his hand across his arm and takes a seat. "I suppose that might help…"

"It's no use, doc," Prince interrupts. "You know apes have a hard time controlling their tempers."

"That's it, Mr. Prince!" Dr. Blairowitz shoots up from her chair and marches over to his direction. She forcefully grabs the slovenly heckler by the arm. "You and I are going to have a conference out in the hall!"

"What?" Prince attempts to futilely wrestle his arm free from her grasp.

"Outside!...Now!"

The princes all join in a long chorused "Ohhhh!," each one grinning with smug satisfaction.

"Oooh, you're in troooou-ble now!" Milo gloats in a sing-song tone.

"Shut your trap, Mr. Peabody!" Prince fumes, and is dragged out the door forcefully.

Dr. Blairowitz slams the door closed, as the sounds of screaming and many obscenities are dropped out in the hallway. Silence is exchanged now in the room, as the princes just all nervously glance about, mulling over many important issues in their minds.

Adam tries to peer out through the textured glass door. "What has him so bitter? Can't be easy to have a girl who sounds like a chipmunk for a wife."

Charming stares transfixed at Adam's long luxurious locks of hair. "I wonder what kind of conditioner he uses."

Eric notices the fish tank at the opposite end of the room, and stares longingly at it. "I hope the aquarium is still open tonight."

Milo twiddles and plays with his fingers anxiously. "Did I extinguish the library hearth? JIMINY CHRISTMAS! All of the records could go up in flames! Is Kida at the house right now, or is she out? My books! My beautiful books!"

Phillip stares up at the ceiling. "I bet Samson's getting hungry...I'm getting hungry. I wonder if the commissary still has that good french onion soup I like..."

Finally, after fifteen minutes of shouting and cursing in the hall, later, Dr. Blairowitz storms back into her office. She throws Prince back into his chair and takes her position once again.

"Now then, perhaps now we may continue on with our session, hmmm? Mr. Prince here has given me his word that he will not continue to interrupt or mock anyone speaking." She smirks confidently. "Isn't that correct?"

Prince scowls and just shrugs his shoulders in response. "Eh..."

Dr. Blairowitz redirects her attention to the files. "Anyway, we only have a little bit of time left, so I think we should try and continue on with our session. Now then, let's talk to you Phillip. What's been bothering you lately? According to my records, there's nothing I can find that's been wrong, and you volunteered to come here by yourself."

Phillip stares down nervously, wringing his hat in his hands. "Well, I've been married to Aurora for a while now, but lately I've been feeling frustrated."

"How so?"

"Well, I like Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather, but...it's like they're everywhere! They're following her through every part of the castle or spying on us in their micro form. I can't get one minute's peace to be alone with her. I feel so paranoid like they might be anywhere! And dad and my father-in-law keep insisting that Aurora and I...," the pudgy prince pauses as his cheeks blush red, "give them grandchildren. Now how can we go about that if we can't get any alone time together?"

"I'm sure they're just looking out for her protection," Prince tauntingly advises. "They couldn't bear to see her flattened by a water buffalo."

"Shut up!" Phillip glares at his adversary, his chair groaning from the weight as he moves closer to the edge.

"Tsk-tsk, listen to that. Is it fair for you to make that poor chair suffer?"

"Mr. Prince, I have almost had it up to here with you!" Dr. Blairowitz reprimands. "Now be quiet!" Shifting herself in her swivel seat, the doctor faces the plump prince again. "I'm sorry about that, Phillip, let's continue. Sounds like to me everything would be solved if you would just explain it to her godmothers..."

Phillip's eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. "Do you know what it's like trying to explain anything to those three? You mention one thing and Flora agrees on the topic. But then Merryweather disagrees with it only because Flora likes it. Then Flora argues. Then Merryweather argues. Soon, they're zapping each other with their magic wands, while Fauna just stares off into space with that ridiculous sugar smile. I think she's going senile! I...I can't take it! I'm already having enough trouble with helping Aurora through her narcolepsy, and trying to stop those panic attacks I get in the dark."

The therapist cocks her one eyebrow in curiosity and begins to write furiously. "Panic attacks? Is there a problem that you have with the dark?"

Phillip blushes bright red in embarrassment, glancing up at every one. "Well, yes there is..."

Prince covers his palm over his mouth, trying desperately to stifle his snickering. Unable to contain it, he finally erupts into a fit of tormenting laughter. "Ha-ha, poor little Philly is afraid of the dark!"

"Mr. Prince, for the last time control yourself, or I shall shut your mouth with duct tape!" Dr. Blairowitz's glasses nearly fly off her nose from her quick head turn to his direction. "Please continue, Phillip."

"It's not really the dark," Phillip stares down at the floor, blushing in shame. "It's just what may be in there. I've been scared ever since that night I got captured by Maleficent. I keep thinking that as soon as everything gets dark, it's all going to happen again and a bunch of little goons are all going to jump and tie me up again."

Prince begins to guffaw again to himself, clamping his hand hard over his mouth.

The therapist gives him another stern glare before turning back to Phillip. "Please continue."

"Well, it's just that lately, it's been keeping me awake a lot at night," the pudgy prince twiddles his thumbs and shifts nervously in his chair once more. "That and I keep having nightmares of battling Maleficent again. I mean, I battled a 50 foot tall dragon and managed to slay it! I'm still amazed that I'm even alive after that. Anyway, at night, since I don't have anything else to do, and since Aurora is always being watched by the three biddies, I go to the kitchen and sometimes just pace or eat a whole container of ice cream, or whatever else is left in the icebox from that night. I guess it just helps me cope."

"Well, I suppose that explains why you've gotten," Dr. Blairowitz clears her throat, "a tad…heavy."

"Fat ass," Prince giggles and mutters under his breath.

Phillip glares up at him angrily. "What did you just say?"

"I just called you a fat ass, because that's what you are! Stuffing your face continually all night long. Look at yourself already! It won't be long until you have the urge to graze out in a pasture."

"Mr. Prince!"

Prince marches over to Phillip's chair, continuing to goad him. "Besides, what about that fat gene in your side of the family? Your father is a whale, and his father before him! I bet in another five to ten years, you're going to look just like him and become the size of a house."

"Shut it!" the corpulent hunter shouts back.

"Oh? Don't believe me?" Prince asks in mocking disbelief. "The evidence is right here, piggy!" With a sneer, Prince gives Phillip a hard poke right in his protruding gut. Unable to take the strain from the already tight garments, the pudgy monarch's fat belly jiggles out, causing to burst the button clean off his trousers. Phillip looks down in sheepish amazement, as all the other princes try to withhold their giggling.

Prince just stares in dumbfounded awe at the sight. He continues to poke Phillip's potbelly, utterly mesmerized by its jiggling, before bursting out into laughter. "His gut alone is the size of a pygmy hippo!"

Phillip just turns to looks at Dr. Blairowitz with a slow burn. "Can I just shoot an arrow through him and have him stuffed? He'd make a nice addition for the sitting room."

"I still wouldn't be as stuffed as you are!" Prince laughs back, poking the hunter's massive paunch again. "His stomach alone must weigh more than Eric and Thatch combined! It's even larger than Milo's thick head!"

"It is not!" Milo objects, and then blinks. "Wait a minute, I mean…"

Phillip shoves Prince back from poking his belly. "I'd like to know who you even think you are to even go around badmouthing everyone here? I'll admit I've gotten quite heavy, but you don't even belong in the group of Disney heroes with your attitude! You belong in the Disney megalomaniacs club with Gaston!"

"Phillip, please remain calm," Dr. Blairowitz attempts to soothe the prince's temper. "Mr. Prince, this is absolutely your final and last reprimand before I'll have to evict you from our group. I have told you for the last time to control yourself. If you can not cooperate with us, then I'm afraid you won't be able to participate with us..."

"Well, that's great!" Prince shouts back in glee. "Because I never wanted to be here in the first place! I'm only here because Snow signed me up for it."

"Gee, small wonder why," Phillip mutters under his breath.

"If she wouldn't have stopped yelling at me and hitting me upside the head with her rolling pin, I never would have come!"

"Well, Mr. Prince, since you insist on being the center of attention, perhaps we should discuss you," Dr. Blairowitz smiles wickedly.

Prince glares back at her apprehensively, cocking up one eyebrow. "Me? Just what do you mean?"

The doctor begins to scribble down notes furiously. "Takes great pleasure in the misfortune of others..."

"What are you writing?"

Prince marches over to Dr. Blairowitz's chair, hovering a complete 360 around her. He attempts to see what she's writing on her pad; however Blairowitz blocks his view by leaning over her notes.

"Severe case of foul mouthed language and derogatory comments towards others..." She continues jotting.

"Stop it!" the prince stamps his foot on the ground. "Will you stop writing?"

Dr. Blairowitz slyly grins up at him and continues. "Apparently very insecure about himself and how others view him..."

"Stop the damn writing!" Yanking it out of her hands, Prince seizes the therapist's notebook and throws it on the ground. He stomps up and down furiously on it, ripping it apart at the seams. "Where's your precious notebook now, you nosy broad?"

"Aww, now Mr. Prince," she falsely coos, "Just what is your problem?"

"My problem?" Prince sputters out in a mixture of shock and rage. "You want to know what my problem is? I'm stuck in a room with girly looking Charming, a guy who friggin' makes out with a fish, Thor the god of flaxen locks and temper tantrums, Milo the whiny pencil necked geek, and Phillip the enormous elephant from Ebonshire!"

Everyone in the room stares at him, some with expressions of shock, and others with ones of malice.

Blairowitz jumps up from her seat. "Mr. Prince, please! I'm just only trying to give help and advice..."

"Help and advice! I can do that for these guys without a fancy diploma! Charming, just get the sex change operation and make it official already! Eric, you might as well start your own porno ring with your fish fetish. Or at least get your own damn aquarium! Beast Prince, or whatever the hell your name is, get some ear plugs, you stupid hippy! Whine, whine, whine! Just tell her to respect you for a change instead of acting like you're ten years old! Milo, I hope one day a stack of bookshelves fall on you to finally shut you up! Why not just go back to your precious little city where you're oh so loved and adored. And Phillip, I stand corrected. You're past being a pygmy hippo, you're an elephant seal! You need to stop whining, and throw all that fat weight around to show those biddies whose boss! Hell, use it to your advantage! You're so damn huge just threaten to sit on top of them and they'll listen to you!"

With a final huff, Prince storms out of the room and slams the door behind him. All the other princes just stare and sit in stunned silence for a moment.

"You know…" Milo starts off slowly, "Maybe I was better off in obscurity. You guys are crazy! I'm going back to my palace and library where I'm appreciated."

"Maybe I should look into alternative lifestyles…" Charming muses.

"Tonight, I'm telling those old biddies what for!" Phillip declares and grins. "And this time I'm going to make sure they listen. Otherwise, it would be a shame if I somehow tripped and did a belly flop down…"

Eric grins to himself. "I think I will be honest with Ariel about my…wants."

"Yeah, I think I will ignore her…" Adam begins. "Until she starts treating me with the respect I deserve! No more running around like some little trained monkey. I am my own man!"

Dr. Blairowitz drops her pen, absolutely flabbergasted. "You mean…I actually helped all of you?"

"Actually, it was Prince."

"Yeah, I think it was his blunt honesty," Eric chimes in.

"I think we needed to hear it from someone objective, if somewhat crude and obnoxious," Milo agrees.

"He is a grade-A jerk, but he is right about some things," Charming nods.

"But…but this isn't healthy!" Dr. Blairowitz objects. "That man is a destructive force who only…"

Before she can finish her sentence, all the princes stand up and begin to leave the room as they talk amongst each other.

Dr. Blairowitz just stares at the door, completely stunned. Her head begins to twitch violently, as she breaks the pencil in two with her hands. "Durp…raup…bu…bar! I…I HATE ALL OF YOU!"


	2. From The Desk Of Dr Blairowitz

_SIX YEARS LATER…_

From the desk of Dr. Mary Blairowitz

Dear Dr. Harriet Burnsby,

As a long-time acquainted colleague, I feel that is only proper that someone of your intellect and remarkable therapeutic abilities is able to carry on one of my most difficult assignments. Due to…reasons of which I am unable to disclose, I have been dismissed from the case of the young male members of Disney royalty and have entitled you as chief counselor. Below are a few of my pertinent notes and statistical information which I think might come in handy.

Name: Prince (Charming?) of Belerania

Age: 24

Height: 5'9"

Weight: 135 lbs.

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Darkish Brown/ Black

Notes: Feelings of inadequacy over his wife's popularity. Also shows signs of latent homosexual tendencies. One discussion centered on his jealousy over Cinderella's new ball gown, given rise to the idea that he may also have curiosities about gender roles. Potential transvestite.

Name: King Milo of Atlantis

Age: 38 (but may be practically ageless due to his exposure to the Heart of Atlantis. He still appears the same age as when he found the city...country...continent...)

Height: 5'8"

Weight: 120 lbs.

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Auburn

Notes: Constantly needs validation from others under the guise that he's concerned for his wife's well-being. Perhaps an attempt to make up for the love he feels he lost with his parents' death in his childhood, and the death of his paternal grandfather. Prone to babbling off into long-winded tirades.

Name: Prince Eric of Carreanean

Age: 24

Height: 6'2"

Weight: 180 lbs.

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Black

Notes: His longing to be away at sea may be a physical manifestation of his sexual frustrations with monogamy. Pursuing a fantasy woman with a golden voice may have been his way to escape marriage, but it also shows signs of an obsession with the unattainable. May also be a piscophiliac, but that's neither here nor there. I have heard rumors of him hanging out at Sea World though…

Name: Prince Phillip of Ghergaria

Age: 27

Height: 5'11"

Weight: 310 lbs.

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Light Brown

Notes: An obvious case of eating disorder-binging-in order to deal with his insecurities and phobias, (the dark, and being immobilized though acts or torture or being tied up.) See if this has manifested into any masochist tendencies. Also, you may want to have him check into his family's history. Judging by his size, I have the feeling glandular and weight conditions could be hereditary.

Name: Prince Adam of Toudeaux

Age: 27

Height: 6' 0"

Weight: 240 lbs.

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Auburn

Notes: Feelings of spousal inadequacy. In order to feel he is in charge or "better," he reverts to a beast-like state. This can manifest in a shaggy appearance, tantrums, yelling, and snarling. This psychiatrist has suspicions that he may also use a litter box, but no evidence of that has been presented. He often goes to escape his problems by drinking at the local tavern with his father-in-law.

Name: Prince (Good Luck Trying To Find It Out) of Frumary

Age: 24

Height: 5'10"

Weight: 210 lbs.

Eyes: Brown

Hair: Premature Graying Brown

Notes: Narcissist with illusions of superiority. Immature and a "bully;" may feel inadequate in some way, (impotent?), and thus takes out his aggression against himself out on others. A classic case of spousal neglect if I ever saw one. Don't antagonize him…or else I pity your sanity.

As I write this now from Happy Dale Farms, I can staunchly testify they will be a trying bunch. Specifically now that I have heard that young Prince Aladdin of Agrabah has been released on parole, and may be joining your group shortly. I wish I could provide more information; however I must be going. My toes are cramping horribly from holding this pen. They told me the straitjacket would be off soon, so look for more notes from me in the upcoming weeks. I wish you all the luck in the world…you'll need it!

Sincerely,

Mary Blairowitz

Patient #210115

Happy Dale Farms


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